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Location: Heaven, The Sky

I am God.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

A question from Kay Richardson

Kay Richardson from London, England writes to ask:

Why haven't I ever been invited to a Playboy Mansion party?

The Archangel Gabriel completed two pieces of research that were necessary to answer this question:

1) Playboy Mansion party and 2) Kay Richardson.

Hugh Hefner is a sinner. Nothing akin to the women that attend his parties have I seen since the days of Eden and Eve. I created clothes with reason. These women are sinners. I am merciful. They have time yet to repent their sins and join Me.

Playboy Magazine is filth and flows straight from Lucifer's fiery printer. St Francis tells me that some articles included in Playboy are 'engaging', but, be that as it may, the use of soft focus and airbrush are so flagrantly employed in the centrefold picture that it is an offence to the eyes of the creator of the female form (My Eyes).

Soft focus and airbrush ANGER me.

Kay Richardson is a sinner. I deigned to visit his blog and was outraged. He hits children with cricket bats. Let it be known that this is the action of one who has strayed far from My Path.

To answer your question, my child Kay Richardson - you have not been invited to a Playboy Mansion party because you are a sinner and a nobody. St Francis tells me that you must appear on American TV at least twice to be granted an invite from Hefner. Being omniscient, I am full aware that you have NEVER appeared on American TV.

Forsake the way of sin. The female form is beautiful, my child, but only through study of My Form can you know eternal love.



Blogger Victoria Secrets said...

Is Hell really that bad? Because not sinning is dull. I'd like to know the pros and cons of the place before I set upon my chosen path...

5:28 PM  
Blogger pdp said...

When am I going to win the lottery?

10:09 AM  
Blogger Sponge Girl said...

Dear Mr. God,

you should know that Kay has a wide network of influential friends, who will take you on, dawg, if you do not cease with the base allegations that Kay does not deserve a frolick in the Playboy paddock.

Besides, if you are indeed all-powerful, I'm sure you could think of a way to make it happen.

You're either part of the solution or part of the problem - and right now, God (if that is your real name), you're sitting squarely in category B.

Bestest regards,
Sponge Girl

9:22 AM  
Blogger Sponge Girl said...

Reading your last phrase makes me think - you wouldn't happen to be hitting on Kay, would you, God?

...nd I thought theology couldn't be fun and educational!

9:29 AM  

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